The Rainbow Diffraction

Lately when I meditate, I sometimes notice a little choppiness in my vision, almost like a stop-second film.  Not much, but there is a ripple between actions, a shimmering diffraction in my smooth perception of the world around me; a disjoint. I have come to think of this as the product of my late angle on the arc of life, the ability to see between actions.

How I understand this depends on my connection to that world around me. Most of us would feel that if things are breaking apart, we are losing our grip, fading, deteriorating in our ability to focus on our environment. This is unhappy, although it is true. 

If we are attending to our spirit, however, the phenomenon takes on a whole different meaning. If we believe there are other environments than the one we jointly see and that our participation in the visible world is only one aspect of our larger lives, then the ability to see between actions becomes a blessing, a chance to put those actions in a larger perspective that is connected to our larger existence. It becomes more about HOW we relate here than IF we relate here.  The visible world is not the only game in town.

Nevertheless I have been watching my reaction to this (and other signs of aging) and like most everyone else, I want to stay connected.  The diffraction is alarming, even if I find it useful.  We spend most of our lives working like radar, taking in signals to which we must react from every direction and in every intensity. That is how we manage diverse and busy lives, family and career, relationships and socialization, basic human survival needs, and everything in between. It is no wonder the signals begin to break apart as we age and our energies begin to flag.  

My answer has been to refine my focus and institute a project large enough to maintain my interest through hopefully all of my coming years. I am trying to change my filters to mute signals that are not specifically related to the foci I have chosen. That is, I am trying to phase out some of the business of my life and dedicate myself to fewer endeavors. For me, I find that I need at least one large and encompassing interest where I can channel my energy into accomplishment and learning. For many, it might mean simply that you pay for someone else to clean and maintain your home – not only because it is physically harder now but because then you can FORGET IT!  For me, the domestic and everything in that realm except my family relationships has become a real bore and is nothing but an energy drain. For others, particularly if they have been involved in career or other outside activity most of their lives, dedication to the domestic might be an optimal main focus. Maybe it is time to grow and put up vegetables, for example. Or start on the long remodel. Or take up gustatory excellence in the kitchen.

What you choose will not matter if it excites you and keeps you focused.  Rainbow diffraction invites less distraction and more single-mindedness as we pursue the years into our futures.