Holy Symboleering, Batgirl!

Another holiday season, come to an end.

I took down the red bows in my office and put away the snowman, and pretty much things are back to normal. It is true that the skies have been mostly grey this year and the temperatures less than bone-chilling, but I woke from the holiday fugue state into an unexciting and wishy-washy January, unable to make commitments or decisions with any confidence and feeling underwhelmed by the condition of my condition. And barely curious about why.

Putting some time away to think about this, I realize this is always how I feel after a deadline, professional or domestic. From Thanksgiving to Christmas I pack every minute with items off my list of things to do - things I want to do, enjoying each and every one, feeling successful and rewarded if I accomplish 75% of that list and not fall over on my face before the gift exchange. I did that this year, perhaps even 80%, and it was joyous and happy.

Following which, of course, I deserve some down time. This tends to be reading books and watching mysteries on the tube, a drink in the evening to ensure lack of motivation. And I start to make lists for upcoming projects, all of which I am not yet ready to embark upon, not yet, don't care yet. It is easy to sit in my favorite chair in my jammies and make lists but think Not yet, don't care yet. And suddenly it is weeks later and I am feeling unsatisfied and grey.

What I see is that when I am so busy, I don't daydream, don't symboleer, don't look to the universe for direction, and that when I settle down it is easy to forget to begin again. It is like being at the bottom of a circle of hills with no motivation to climb out; comfortable but stranded. How long since I took the long bus to work just to look out the window at the river? How long since I walked to the lake, or even meditated in my own room? The answer is, since before Thanksgiving.

So this morning I took myself to my favorite river view and asked for a sign, and damned if I didn't get one. Holy vision, Batgirl! At least, I can interpret what I saw in terms that relate to my current life, and I choose to act as though I was meant to do this. Symboleering is an important part of pursuing my future, providing the confidence that allows me to act, giving me direction when the choices seem endless, forwarding my agenda with myself and my world. And as I have written before, I can't believe I forgot the whole thing!